how?

How do people do it? How do they keep in touch with people regularly? How do you know which ones are worth hanging on to? How do you see which relations are the important ones, the ones that will change your life and stay for ever? And how do you see when it's time to give someone up?

Since I came to Japan I've gone through a massive life changer. I'm starting to realise how important people are to me. Things that I didn't know about before (read: things I didn't think about before). How do I show them all appreciation? How can I show that I have changed and that I care now? I don't know what is expected from me and it makes me scared. What makes me even more scared is all the relations I realised that I, ME, MY, just trough in the bin because I was, just that, SCARED! Scared of people seeing me, would they like me? Am I good enough?
My subconscious has been a people-repellant. And now I have to start all over again.

But even though it's hard like hell and I'm ashamed and just wanna crawl back in again sometimes it's all worth it. Every time that I get that positive response back from something positive that I do. Maybe just a smile.

Yeah, I've wasted time and threw away good people in the bin BUT. I'm 20 and I'm changing.


Forgive me my sins, dears friends and family
M